I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
no. you can't hotbox the world.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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