Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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