remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Randomize