That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
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