**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
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I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I want a musical about memes.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
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