3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ttyl tear gas
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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