I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My penis needs a shock collar
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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