You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
wow bdsm is so cute
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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