Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
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just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
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Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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