oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize