um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
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It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
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I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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