look no pants
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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