We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
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My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
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He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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