Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Randomize