I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were destined to go to rehab together
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize