Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
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just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
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you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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