so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
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He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
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I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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