He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize