i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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