I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
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I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
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I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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