my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
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Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
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How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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