The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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