If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize