So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
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When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
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I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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