my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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