i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
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So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
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i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize