That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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