ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
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It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
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