I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize