I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize