after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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