I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
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