we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
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I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
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you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I didn't notice because vodka
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
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