he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
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so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
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Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
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