so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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