Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
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His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
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i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
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