if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize