I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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