I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
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