yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize