***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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