well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize