If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
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He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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