I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
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