Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize