I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
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Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
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The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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