You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
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I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
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I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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