Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
