Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
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