I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
So many bounce houses so little time
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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