Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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